The Last House on Cemetery Lane (2015) Reviews

• Slow, boring, and on the border of parody

  chaosbaron2015-02-17

  The movie is about a horror movie writer that into a big old haunted house with a creepy mysterious blind woman living on the top floor. His friend and companion states "sounds like a good plot for a film", unfortunately the film we are watching does not seem to confirm her statement. The film is slow moving with out taking advantage of its pace. Long drawn out scenes of your main character walking on the beach and finding messages in a bottle set to indie music, and conversations going over the previous scenes fill a majority of the film. While acting and camera work isn't bad, there simply is no substance to the film and nothing new is brought to the table. There are no scary moments in the film, unless you count a slamming door as scary. Once the ending of the film came around, I wondered if the movie was somehow a misplaced joke that wasn't funny. You will see what I mean when a near replica of a certain Halloween scene is done.

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• Writer and Director should slink off in embarrassment

  Fancytower2015-02-19

  Should be labeled as a comedy because we spent the whole time laughing. Several minutes of bad music with ridiculous shots of main character. Dumb, dumb, dumb. A limited budget is not an excuse for this junk. I'm angry that we even sat through the first few minutes, let alone the whole "movie". This "film" shouldn't ever have seen the light of day, let alone on a major streaming service. Writer and director should be ashamed and needs to hide away into oblivion for this crap. Trust me, you would be more entertained by looking out into the dark sky or an American soap opera for more drama or entertainment.

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• Very Low Budget Movie

  claudio_carvalho2016-08-31

  The screenwriter John Davies (Lee Bane) leaves London and rents an isolated manor in the countryside for two months in a location where he used to visit when he was a child. The real estate agent Mrs. Connelly (Tessa Wood) shows the two-floor house but informs that in the attic lives another tenant, the reclusive Agnes (Vivien Bridson) that is blind. John decides to stay and in the afternoon he meets the beautiful neighbor Cassie Konrad (Georgina Blackledge) in the garden. John invites Cassie for a tea and soon they get close to each other. However, during the night, John is haunted by nightmares and supernatural events. One night, he decides to break in the attic and Agnes discloses the secrets of the manor. "The Last House on Cemetery Lane" is a very low budget horror movie with a story of haunted house. The storyline has potential but the cinematography, camera and effects are very poor and the plot is confused. Who is haunting the house and consequently John is the most important unanswered question since Cassie has fallen in love with John. My vote is four. Title (Brazil): Not Available

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• Yeah, some independent films are good and others...

  Jharnden12015-02-21

  Spoiler Alert: unless you are related to the film makers and are posting a review to help them or the actors' egos this film sucks! It is not the greatest film ever, and it is also not the worst. However, from the first moment of film it feels like a high school project headed to community college. The pink lipstick on the realtor lady...why? The first song with lyrics echoes like a song from 1999. Why? That 's probably the biggest mystery of the film. The acting is dull and the scares are mediocre. The scariest part is the bearded main character walking down the stairs in his robe. At least we didn't have to see his Waspy junk. The worst part of the film is the ripoff dream scenes (with bells!) that hint at the writer and director being fixated on Stephen King's The Shining. Skip this movie if you think a slice of pizza is better than boredom. Go wait for the pizza. Skip this film if YouTube is entertaining. Skip this film if you find Vanilla Ice's music entertaining. The only people who should watch this film are fans of trite, dull horror films and fans of Creed. At least their echoing kind of made sense.

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• A Ghost Story That Was Less Fun Than A Kiddie Coaster

  MaeBeaBaeBea2015-02-20

  I just don't know what to say. It was difficult to make it through this entire piece of drivel and stay awake at the same time. Let's see, we have an obnoxious real estate person who lies through her teeth and should have been sued, a screenwriter who never writes, a pretty young thing who steals blackberries and acts like a graduate from St. Vivian's School of Vacuous Smiles, and an old recluse who seemingly survives on air. Then the usual stuff starts happening - sinister writing on walls, thumping paintings, rattling door knobs, meaningless nightmares - all pointing to a malignant spirit. In the end we find out that while in most ghost stories these things have a purpose, in this one we just sit there and go "Huh?" Major plot holes, or if you wish, failed plot devices. No action, no thrills, not even a hint at a jump scare. Why, God, oh why did I waste my time on this? Please people, don't make the same mistake I did.

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