Machete Kills (2013) Reviews

• Somehow even more ridiculous than its predecessor, but not quite as funny.

  lnvicta2016-03-14

  I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie. This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before). After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.

• So dumb and over the top.... EXACTLY what i paid for!

  theWBohlken2013-11-10

  I am a fan of the first one, I am a fan of Grindhouse and I love over the top movies. Going in to this I knew that it was going to be bloody, cheesy and awesome. It surprised me that this did not do as well as the first one or even close to it. The original was a tad more serious and had some really badass parts while this one was just non stop cheesy and Grindhouse-y. If you saw the first one, you pretty much know what to expect and what the basic concept is. Just times that times ten and you have Machete Kills. It is just a movie where you sit and don't think about it. Let it all happen and enjoy it. That is, of course, you like action movies where the hero chops every bad guy up and Sofia Vergara with her bra machine gun.

• Move over, Speedy Gonzales!

  BA_Harrison2013-12-17

  In Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills, Danny Trejo's character—deadly Mexican secret agent Machete Cortez—is about as three-dimensional and grounded in realism as a Looney Tunes cartoon character tripping on peyote. For many, this move towards a crazier style with even more unbelievable splatstick violence will be a step too far, the live-action-cartoon style antics exceeding many people's willingness to suspend disbelief. However, those who can find their way safely past this potential stumbling block should have a whale of a time. Rodriguez directs proceedings with a carefree attitude and sense of fun that I found infectious, with all ideas—no matter how dumb they must have looked on paper—making their way into the final film. Thus, we have a Bond-style baddie in the form of megalomaniac Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), our hero killing numerous henchmen in a variety of creative ways, some innovative sci-fi weaponry, plenty of cool in-jokes for us movie geeks (I loved the visual reference to Mad Max II) and a bevy of lovely latino babes in sexy gear (including Alexa Vega in PVC and Michelle Rodriguez in tight, cleavage enhancing top). Hell, Rodriguez is having so much fun that he doesn't even care about the quality of his CGI, which only adds to the gleefully gaudy vibe. It all gets very silly, and with the next sequel featuring Machete in space, it's set to get a whole lot sillier; I for one will make sure I've booked my seat for the ride. 7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for being marginally more fun than the first one.

• Machete kills. That's what he does.

  starsandpopcorn2013-10-10

  It seems you just can't keep a good Mexican down. That goes for both Danny Trejo's character, Machete, and the Mexican film geek Jesus himself, Robert Rodriguez. Let me start by saying that this is one of the most ridiculous movies I've seen in my entire life, let alone in the last year. The concept itself is absurd, the action is something out of a B-action movie, and the characters play more as preposterous caricatures of established stereotypes than actual people. And I couldn't be more pleased with the results. This is easily the most fun I have had at the movie theater all year. Machete Kills is the sequel to 2010's Machete. The latter was developed from a 'fake' trailer that preceded 2007's Grindhouse, a collaborative double feature consisting of Rodriguez's Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Using the character Machete from his Spy Kids series, Rodriguez made an amazing trailer for a grindhouse-esque film. When the trailer served to be immensely popular, he created the feature length. Now, three years later, we have the sequel to the movie that almost never was. What we have here is one of the greatest parody films ever made. It's not a parody on the level of Airplane! or Scary Movie, but this movie is just downright hilarious. It has everything from references to current events (mainly the plight of the Hispanic people and their standing in America's 21st Century) to great quips about the actors' personal lives (Charlie Sheen's President Rathcock is a great spoof of his personal issues and his Martin Sheen's famous role of the president on West Wing) to lampoons of successful franchises. If anything, Machete Kills is the best James Bond satire since Austin Powers. And even with all of this, it somehow manages to hit harder with each joke. We never reach a point where the movie has spread itself too thin. Robert Rodriguez is a genius. It's that simple. Somehow, more than any other filmmaker, he can spread a tiny budget as far as it can possibly go. He's known for this and has baffled studios for the better part of two decades when he makes amazing films on a paltry budget. Considering the scale of this movie (especially just in the cast), it's amazing that Machete Kills was made with $30 million. The secret is that Rodriguez knows exactly what he wants. He doesn't need to waste money on things he can get done for cheap. For example, the special effects in this film are on par with a SyFy channel movie, like Sharktopus. He knows you're not there to see Avatar level CGI. You want a ridiculous story filled with even more ridiculous characters doing EVEN MORE ridiculous things. This, I believe, is the key to Machete Kills' quality. Every bit of Rodriguez' money and time is put into the most important aspects of the film. The cast in this film is exquisite. Let's just rattle off every big name in this movie: Michelle Rodriguez Danny Trejo Jessica Alba Charlie Sheen (or Carlos Estevez) Sofia Vergara Cuba Gooding Jr. Lady GaGa Antonia Banderas Demian Bechir Amber Heard Vanessa Hudgens Alexa Vega (or the girl from Spy Kids) I could easily continue but let's just stop there. And the best part is, not one of these characters is a cameo. Sure, some of them take up just a fraction of the screen time, but each actor plays a memorable character that contributes something worthwhile to the story. That is a feat that needs to be recognized. Few directors could handle a cast this large and of this caliber, and still be able to make each one of them memorable. I cannot stress this enough. Go see Machete Kills. Gather up your friends and prepare to get rowdy. This is the kind of movie that thrives on a reactive audience. And prepare to have a rip roarin' blast.

• Best thing at the cinema in years. Ignore the critics!

  jimsin2013-10-14

  I can honestly say that Machete Kills is the most entertaining thing I have seen at the cinema in years, if not ever (and I'm 47). I enjoyed the first film, but in my eyes this is a rare example of a sequel that eclipses the original. Logic is thrown out the window, and every scene is a kaleidoscopic, hyper-kinetic explosion of humour, violence, machismo, excitement, sex & insanity. All the characters are larger than life and dripping with undiluted cool. The story races along like an out of control juggernaut & the plot twists, turns, spirals & back-flips all over the place, yet somehow the raw energy of the direction holds everything together. There literally isn't one dull moment. If you're not grinning or shaking your head in amazement from start to finish, then you probably just don't get it, or have become dead inside. The only bad thing I can say about Machete Kills is that real life felt somewhat dull & uninspiring in contrast when we walked out of the cinema. With this in mind, I was shocked to see that the film has flopped at the box office so far, and has a meagre 6.4 star rating on IMDb. Ignore the critics & go see it at the cinema while you can - this film deserves to be seen as loud & larger than life as the characters within it. Machete Kills is an Oasis in a desert of big budget CGI snoozefests and as such it needs your support. If a third instalment isn't made I'll be crying tears of blood.