Haunting Desires (2004) Reviews

• Put the stake away, this flick "barely" passes muster!

  bheyer2004-08-12

  I set the VCR timer for this movie. which was being shown in the wee, wee small hours of the morning, on Cinemax; well past my bedtime, anyway. The title intrigued me, and so did the brief description, outlining the plot. Okay, so I just viewed the tape - in broad daylight - NOT that there were any scares, or anything. The "plot" of the film (flimsy as it is) takes up about 5 minutes of running time. The other 85 minutes is soft core porn: male-on-female, female (lezbo action!) on female and male on multiple females. It's standard cable fare, LOTS of writhing but NO penetration. Hardcore porn star, Evan Stone (who looks like a cross between Fabio and Skid Row lead singer, Sebastian Bach), plays "Adrian," a 2,000 year old vampire. Unfortunately, he speaks in a soft whisper, making it hard (something the movie fails to do!) to understand him. Maybe if the producers of this flick had had the resources ($$$), they could've gotten horror movie veteran, Christopher Lee, to dub Evan's lines. As it is, it looks like they had a $1.98 budget. Anyway, the lead actress, Beverly Lynne, is H-O-T!! With her spiky blonde hair, she reminded me of a young Lorrie Morgan. You Country music fans KNOW who I'm talking about! The other babes in the movie are pretty hot, too, especially the busty brunette vampire who figures in the film's "twist" ending. I place sarcastic quotation marks around the word twist, because the denouement can be seen a mile away. There you have it: cheesy plot, cheesy dialogue, tepid acting, lazy direction, lame vampire villain and sort of makes it wiggle in your pants soft core sex. It's too bad they didn't make a hardcore version of this movie; I just might've purchased the DVD. Bottom line, I give this film a 4 out of a possible 10, JUST because of Beverly Lynne's sterling presence. Otherwise, I'd rate it a 2.

• As Far As Terrible Movies Go... This One's Okay...

  hokeybutt2005-05-28

  HAUNTING DESIRES (2 outta 5 stars) I don't even know why they bother with these "softcore" things. People who are into porn don't like them because they don't "show anything" and people are *aren't* into porn are going to be bored out of their minds. No stars, bad acting, bad dialogue, cheap sets and costumes and a bunch of writhing, naked bodies (with no reproductive organs in sight) every ten minutes. In any case... I *did* find some entertainment value in this... the movie is actually one of those rare flicks that is *so* bad that it's actually funny. The ending especially is a hoot! Cheesy special effects mixed with a jaw-droppingly ridiculous plot twist! Spunky newspaper columnist teams up with a grumpy detective to solve a series of vampire murders linked to a late night sex club. The lead male characters' performances are so awful that you'll be shaking your head in amazement. Detective Trout (Jay Richardson) resembles comedian Jay Thomas with all the talent bled out of him. Checking his bio on IMDb you will discover that this is far from his first movie... he's been in dozens! How does someone this bad keep getting work? I mean, he must be cheap... but still! The dude playing the "seductive" vampire leader (Evan Stone) looks like a cross between Fabio and Quentin Tarantino... and he speaks his lines in a garbled whisper so that you can never tell what the heck he is actually saying. That's just as well since all the dialogue form this movie seems to be stolen from other, better movies and TV shows. Lead "actress" Beverly Lynn is actually pretty good compared to most actresses in these kinds of movies... plus she's easy on the eyes, even in the scenes where she's clothed. She'd probably stick out like a sore thumb in a movie with real actors but, for what it's worth, she does a good job here.

• Haunting Desires? how about Crap that is still haunting my toilet...

  jeff9342004-07-01

  Whenever I watch a porno I'm used to seeing good looking guys and hot women. Well when I turned on my Dirrect TV sat box and saw that show I read the description and it looked good. It said that a woman falls for a vampire so I was possibly thinking something along the lines of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. Boy was I freaking wrong. There was a hot woman in it. But the guy looked like the Ass End of a dolphin I mean this guy looks more like he would be good at working in the meat department of your local grocery store. Than there was a old man. YOU NEVER HAVE A OLD MAN IN A PORNO ITS LIKE A BIG NO NO. This movie was a joke from the opening credits to the very end all I can say is that they got it right when they picked the lead actress. She ain't no Nikki Fritz, Jenna Jameson or Brinna Banks but she gets the job done. My vote for this movie? 1/10

• erotic horror flick

  dingchen2004-05-20

  In this cheesy erotic horror flick, four vampires base themselves in a stripclub where they have easy access to victims, but when one of their killings is too high profile a reporter (Beverly Lynne) starts looking into what's going on. The only scary thing about this flick is how low budget it is, but that doesn't matter. Beverly's got one smokin' bod and she really gives her all to her sex scenes. Also, she's not afraid to flash a little beav when it's called for. The sex scenes are very well done and I've got to say you should run out and buy this as soon as it's available on DVD. Also starring Fallon Pfeifer, Kylie Wyote and Jenna West.

• Ladies, take note!

  golden_muse2004-07-22

  Ladies, the next time your boyfriend suggests the rental of an erotic movie, steer him away from "Bikini Bimbos Blitz Part 40" and toward "Haunting Desires." Ignore the pouty lass on the front cover; the one with the intimidatingly large breasts who (as far as I can tell) wasn't even in the video. This film boasts a leading man performance by the gorgeous porn star Evan Stone, who plays the vampire Adrian. The subject of Adrian's blood lust is a smart, spunky reporter named Jill. Jill is one of the few bright, purposeful heroines I've seen in a softcore film, and she was played with refreshing skill by Beverly Lynne. With the help of a policeman sidekick, the witty Jay Richardson, she investigates the murder of a patron at Adrian's night club; an eerie midnight social club known as the Underworld. As the investigation continues, Jill is faced with several questions. Are these people vampires? Who will be the next victim? Do the girls who work at Adrian's club have an allergic reaction to all forms of clothing? (O.K., maybe that was just a question I was facing. I'm sure the guys will appreciate all the beautiful women in the film, including Lynne, Kylie Wyote, Fallon Pfeifer, and Jenna West.) Jill's biggest challenge lies in resisting the temptation of Adrian himself, played with seductive charm by Stone. Generally an adult film actor, he shines in this softcore role; I hope he does more mainstream films. His character's intimate interaction with Jill is the best part of the film. "Haunting Desires" is a film for those who enjoy sexy vampire flicks, erotic thrillers, and 'escapist' entertainment. And Ladies, you'll never find a sexier 'neck biter' than good IL' Adrian.