Collision Earth (2011) Reviews

• 2011: Collission of the Human Intelligence

  TheLittleSongbird2012-03-23

  I usually make an effort to be fair with ratings, review writing and summaries, but I make exceptions that are so bad they make me angry instead of laughing about how awful it is. Collission Earth isn't perhaps the very worst of SyFy's movies, but I do think it is down there as one of their worst. Some of their awful movies, and in all honesty it's too many to count, do have some novelty value, but Collission Earth doesn't even have that. Visuals: Not the worst asset, but that doesn't mean they're good. The scenery is shot in a dull look, and the editing is haphazard in alternative to slick and efficient. The special effects are simply put, bad, fake rather than realistic and cheap rather than lavish. Again like I have said a few times, I get that it's low budget, but that still doesn't excuse not putting enough effort(or I don't think so anyway) into them. Music: Nothing special. Forgettable and sometimes overbearing, with tempos and rhythms that actually feel as though they alone are slowing the film down. Script: Quite possibly the worst asset. So much cheese in the dialogue that even the biggest burger bap wouldn't cover it, and aimless exposition that not just slows the film down but has you reaching for the remote. That's not all. Like Earth's Final Hours and SyFy movies with numbers in front(2012: Supernova), Collission Earth is full of scientific errors. Scientific errors so vast and so inexcusable(detailed brilliantly in one of the previous reviews) that even the worst scientist in the world would fall into a coma thinking about them. Story: Almost as bad. Sluggishly paced, full of clichéd situations and hopelessly predictable in that you do have a pretty good idea what is going to happen next. Characters: So bland that by halfway through I still didn't care a tuppence about them. Also not that much different than the typical stereotype that litter and in most instances plague SyFy's resume. Acting: Nobody seems to be really involved. Even when somebody tries to bring some life(and you'd be lucky to find even that), it feels overdone and unnatural. Overall, a terrible movie and intelligence- insulting. 0.5-1/10 Bethany Cox

• Terrible

  david-38282012-03-21

  I admit my bar wasn't that high. After all it is a made for TV, low budget, SyFy movie. I am willing to forgive mediocre FX and CGI - after all our expectations for those things has been raised to high art thanks to all the big budget flicks out there. I am willing to suspend disbelief in order to enjoy a decent action or science fiction story. I don't mind chuckling at cliché plot devices when they're tongue-in-cheek. I happily do these all these things when a film is so unbelievably bad that it becomes an unintentional comedy. This movie does none of these things for me. For a science-based plot the writing can't pass even a cursory understanding of a grade 9 curriculum. Not in one instance or two but over and over and over again. The effect was akin to being grabbed by the cranium and shaken violently out of the story so that you are left staring at all the other otherwise forgivable weaknesses and amateurish plot devices. I have seen worse movies, though only a few, and I now add this to the list of bad movies that make the mediocre ones much more enjoyable by comparison.

• Another Brain Rotter from SyFy

  wackyfamily2012-01-16

  I decided to force myself to watch this movie, since the Patriots were spanking the Broncos, because I had a feeling it was going to be another one worth writing, and warning, about. It did not disappoint me in that aspect! It was called 'Collision Earth'(CE) and while it was not quite, relatively speaking, as rotten as the other movie I recently reviewed, 'Earth's Final Hours' (EFH), this movie still had every single one of those clichéd plot devices that make up a very crappy science fiction movie. Again, during the movie, our heroes get saved by things related to the impending collision of the planet Mercury with Earth. The car plopping right on top of the airport guy who was just about to put a few holes in our heroes with a rifle was a hoot. I just had to shake my head in disbelief as it was so reminiscent of EFH's bad moments when it comes to the bad guys getting it. To keep this brief, Somehow planet Mercury gets blown off course, and becomes magnetized, by the sun when the sun has a serious fit. Second, we somehow had a manned spaceship around Mercury at the exact time of this fit. Third, somehow we had an asteroid, named Project Seven (PS), that we had orbiting the Earth fitted with a deflector system that could save the day but was mothballed because it had a couple of, now obviously easily fixable, software bugs in it. Fourth, again the head government moron did not want to use this device even though the scientist who created it said he had all of the bugs fixed and only had to upload them but, of course, the head moron would not allow the creator to up-link to PS to upload the fixes or the movie would have been thankfully shortened to about thirty minutes. The head moron wanted to deflect the over 3,000 mile wide planet Mercury with a few missiles(why is it always missiles??). Fifth, even though the spaceship around Mercury took a savage beating during the sun's fit, how it wasn't just plain vaporized is beyond me, the one remaining astronaut out of three, one got fried immediately and the other died soon after even though he looked and acted just fine while he was still breathing but the lame script said he had to die so he died, AND the remaining astronaut, who just happens to be the creator of PS's wife, manages to fix the communications enough to be able to communicate with Earth only to a couple of kids with a portable radio. OY!! Sixth, This lone astronaut fixed up the ship enough to get it away from Mercury, but it turns out that the one bug that could not be fixed by the creator of 'PS' could be taken care of by hooking her ship's navigation system to it, how convenient. So, the ship heads to the PS asteroid and docks with it just in the nick of time, starts PS's engines, and heads back to Mercury. With seconds to spare the creator manages to get to the backup government site, where for some reason there are no security goons this time to beat him again, gets an up-link with PS and uploads the software fixes which engages the deflector screen thus saving the Earth. The ship manages to disengage itself from PS milliseconds before it collides with Mercury destroying it and creating a ring around Earth not unlike Saturn's. Oy, I could waste more time writing about the crappy sci fi clichés in CE but, seeing is believing. This one won't rot your brain as much as EFH but it will put a serious dent in it. There is so much good science fiction out there but they keep coming out with this unbelievably mindless garbage. A good sci-fi movie uses science as its friend but not this movie or Earth's Final Hours. I enjoy a good sci-fi movie but lately SyFy has not delivered. I am required to advise of spoilers when I submit my review but I wish I didn't have to because if I spoiled this movie for you I would have been doing you a tremendous favor.

• One of the Most Ludicrous Stories From SyFy

  gavin69422012-11-27

  When the sun converts to a magnetar for a short time, the planet Mercury is thrown out of orbit (along with a spaceship exploring it) and set on a collision course for Earth. I am officially declaring Paul Ziller the king of the 21st Century B-Movie Directors, taking the crown away from Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski (who shared it). His output of "Ice Quake" and "Stonehenge Apocalypse", among others, suggests he has mastered the end-of-the-world science fiction film. This film goes above and beyond the sheer level of scientific nonsense previously seen in the movies. The Sun being turned into a magnetar? A space shuttle exploring Mercury (apparently today, not in the future)? A pirate radio reaching a space craft when no one else can? And then you have the special effects, which rank among the other SyFy films for the worst (though I caught hints that maybe they are getting better). Throw in multiple action scenes with guns and knives (who knew that being an astronomer was so exciting?) and you have a Ziller masterpiece.

• So Bad It Is Not Even Funny Bad

  bob-917-1262642014-05-03

  How do you describe this film? Agony. Stupid. Dumb. Amateurish. First, it takes place in a time when we have a space ship exploring Mercury. And we have a gigantic ship in orbit capable of creating a giant magnetic pulse. Yet is is set in the present, with flip cell phones and old cars. There was no attempt to set this in the future. Why? I guess it would have been too expensive. Second, the story is just dumb. Mercury has been thrown out of orbit and it is heading towards Earth. Some former scientist who has been fired by the government, who's wife just happens to be on the ship around Mercury, has to save the planet, even though he is being hunted by the government. Third, the special effects are not even as good as in the 1950's B films. Green screen shots that are so obvious that a third grader could do better. And finally, the acting that is, well, again, a third grader in a school play would be better. Enough. I am angry that I wasted the 90 minutes watching this thing and the 10 minutes writing this review. Save yourself. Turn your TV off and just stare at the blank screen for 90 minutes. You will enjoy that more.