Alien Armageddon (2011) Reviews

• One of the 5 worst movies I ever saw

  carajo-250-4734492011-12-28

  Thank God I rented it instead of paying money to the movie theater. There is nothing about this movie that was worth watching. From the Story line to the acting to the special effects it was all cheesy. I love good sci-fi but this was not unfortunately. The box said it was a follow-up to Battlefield LA but they weren't even slightly the same. This movie suffered from budget problems obviously as most of the scenes must have been in an abandoned building of some kind. The acting, for the most part, was not any better than any high school production. The special effects weren't all that special and looked very amateurish.

• Schlock of the Gods

  zardoz-132011-12-23

  "Battlespace" writer & director Neil Johnson's derivative, low-budget, science fiction actioneer "Alien Armageddon" chronicles a breed of Martian invaders, 'the Nephilim,' who subjugate planet Earth for a little more than three months. These hostile intruders establish their headquarters in Los Angeles. They rely on our own scientists to modify our DNA so that we serve as fodder for these ravenous monsters who had to abandon their famine-stricken world. Actually, the Nephilim have been quietly infiltrating Earth for many decades, acquiring knowledge about our character and culture. The cardboard, computer generated special effects in the first ten minutes look like something out of a black & white graphic novel. The spacecraft and alien army outfits resemble a schlocky synthesis of a SyFy made-for-cable feature and a knock-off Asylum made-for-video epic. An armada of spacecraft with submarine-shaped hulls sans conning towers which are equipped with tridents mounted on their bows hover over like vultures every major city. The alien soldiers look like distant cousins of the "Star War" robot C3PO. Decked out football regalia bristling with hoses, they bear deadly automatic weapons. Predictably, the earthlings capitulate in the first half-hour as these nefarious extraterrestrials conquer and incarcerate humanity. Some of the humans, desperate to survive long enough to escape, turn into quislings, and the jailed humans are fed contaminated food which makes them edible to the aliens. Our protagonist is a feisty Jewish red-head, Jodie Elliot (British actress Katharine McEwan of "Sinners"), who operates a print shop in contemporary Los Angeles. She is contending with a disgruntled customer who wants a discount when the alien ships arrive over the city. After the aliens dominate the planet, Jodie joins the resistance, but she is captured and ends up with two guys in cramped prison quarters with an electronic force field substituting for iron bars. The inmates dine from black plastic buckets on unsavory slop, while they relieve themselves into a small foot locker. The food is so disgusting that they wind up puking it up not long after digesting it. Nevertheless, this is all that they are allowed to devour. Jodie shares a cell with a disillusioned African-American, Markus (Benjamin J. Cain Jr.) and a Caucasian military bomber pilot, Sheen (William David Tulin), who blasted Chicago. Jodie wants desperately to escape and rejoin her daughter who lives in the nearby small town of Little Rock, California. She watches in horror as her cell mates are hauled off to become brunch. At one point, Jodie escapes briefly and witnesses a harrowing scene where a pregnant woman excretes chunks of flesh. The other character of some prominence is a murderous miscreant named 'Cowboy' (Don Scribner) who has been locked up at Folsom State Prison from the get-go for killing his son during an awful bus crash. Cowboy wears his hair long, talks through a grizzled beard, and dresses in a duster with a Stetson riding low on his eyebrows. He manages to escape but is captured by the aliens not long afterward and thrown in the same cell with Jodie. Meantime, two scientists Franci (Rochelle Vallese) and Dr. Brenna (Julia Parker) are collaborating with the Nephilim to make humanity palatable for the aliens. Once the Nephilim have used Franci, they put her into the same cell with our heroes. The Nephilim take Markus and feed him to a flesh eating zombie like creature. Jodie, Franci, and Cowboy escape when Jodie fakes a bout of illness. The girls head for Little Rock, but Jodie doesn't find her daughter. Cowboy later rejoins them. Meantime, Franci injects Jodie with some strange serum so that she becomes a bio-medical weapon against the Nephilim. Franci rhapsodizes about the pleasures of masquerading as a human and all the feelings that life evokes for her. Predictably, she dies. Eventually, humanity triumphs over the Martian invaders. Before this occurs, we get to see revolting shots of giant, beady, orange slugs with pincers gnawing on the flesh and bones of decaying humans. Franci dispatches Jodie on her sacrificial mission to save mankind with a lingering lesbian lip-lock. Jodie neither pukes nor repels Franci. The characters spout loads of profanity. Little about the humdrum "Alien Armageddon" is compelling, exciting, or humorous. A few firefight scenes between Nephilim troops and earthlings enliven the predominantly exposition-laden narrative, but there are no revelations in this derivative, standard-issue invasion flick. The Nephilim chieftain looks menacing with is zombie-like complexion, but Johnson doesn't give him adequate screen time to create more than a fleeting impression. "Alien Armageddon" qualifies an abominable opus with one-dimensional characters, shoddy storytelling, second-rate special effects, forgettable dialogue, and nondescript acting. Pretentiously enough, Johnson inserts a preamble and a postscript where he quotes from the Book of Enoch. Clocking in at 95 interminable minutes, "Alien Armageddon" makes "Battlefield Earth" look like "Star Wars."

• Oh dear, oh dear

  markleachsa-12012-09-18

  I used to think that "Tomorrow When The War Began" was the crappiest film ever. But now there is a new contender. In fact it's no contest. Who the hell... How the hell... What the hell... made this rubbish? I'm trying to imagine the pitch to investors in this movie and I can only believe it was by the smoothest, slickest conman ever, to the most naive, gullible idiot ever. A match made in hell ... for the rest of us. I'm speechless while writing. Think of the advert that annoys you most and then make that advert 90 minutes long. Tadah! Here it is! Must rest now. My brain has been severely damaged. Must press zero ... on the ... rating button... before I pass... out... (OK - enough ellipses already!)

• After seeing this movie, I really wished I was abducted by aliens instead!

  TheLittleSongbird2012-02-24

  I admit I wasn't expecting much despite some decent ideas. This is the second awful movie in a row that I watched, the other being Super Tanker, and both are in the top 15 list of bottom-of-the-barrel movies. The whole film looks slipshod, with some of the most amateurish special effects I have ever seen, and a soundtrack that was so obtrusive at times that it gave me a headache at the end. The script is not just forgettable, it is very cheesy and just atrociously written in general, even 6 year olds have written better, and while the ideas were good the story itself was tired and very dully paced, there was never anything exciting or thought-provoking and if there was anything that aimed to hit hard sorry but the only thing that disturbed me was how badly made Alien Armageddon was. The characters are not just stereotypical and some of the most one-dimensional and most irritating of any movie, and in all honesty I would rather sit through the worst high school production than see acting this atrocious and unprepared again. All in all, one of the worst movies I've seen in a long time, maybe I am taking Alien Armageddon too seriously but I do love movies when they're good and this movie doesn't live up to my criteria of good. 0-1/10 Bethany Cox

• Seriously awful!

  kings_0772012-08-27

  This movie gave me the shits, and if you saw it you'd know what I'm talking about. I can't believe they wasted over $800,000 on this. That money could have been better spent helping out the indigent. I got suckered into watching this because of some flashy CGI, but once I got it running on my television, I wasn't 25 minutes into the movie where I shut the TV off and went back to my computer. I figure, if a movie can't hold my interest in the first 15 minutes, then it isn't worth watching the next 60 minutes or whatever. And this is coming from a guy who's watched every Godzilla movie ever made. So if I'm saying this is a bad movie, then you know it's bad.