Varsity Blood (2014) Reviews

• varsity snooze

  ElWormo2015-05-29

  No matter how hard they try (or don't try) modern slashers can never seem to capture the endearingly innocent goofiness and corniness of the 78-83 era. Varsity Blood is no exception, although to be fair it does at least start in the right gear. The opening few minutes got my hopes up that I was about to witness a retro slasher homage done the right way for once (the killer looked truly hilarious and the film briefly seemed like fun), but it soon shifted gears into snooze-mode. One of my main problems was the way almost every character garbled their lines out in such a lacklustre way that half of what they said was unintelligible. I don't mind dumb dialogue, in fact I love it, but only when I can make it out. This and the total lack of screen presence of most of the cast, and the fact the plot moved slower than an iceberg chained to a wall made me give up about half way through, which I rarely do. This wasn't insultingly annoying, but should've been much more fun than it was.

• Trash.

  Krackoon2014-09-12

  It's hard to think of a way to describe how completely awful 'Varsity Blood' is. It's one of those films that still hasn't gotten over the popularity of 'Troll 2,' and instead of attempting to make a watchable horror film, they think of ways to make you shut the damn thing off. Okay, we get it, 'Troll 2' was so awful that you have to enjoy it - and believe it or not, I own the DVD, but enough is enough. No film will ever be able to match the 'so bad, it's good' cult following that 'Troll 2' has, so just move on and try making a watchable film. The acting is so bad in 'Varsity Blood,' that when you believe you found the worst actor on the planet, a new character comes into the picture and you go back to thinking it can't get any worse - but somehow it goes on throughout the film. The killers costume is dreadful, and because of the body size of the killer, you won't have any trouble figuring out the 'twist.' And when the killer does make his final appearance, you'll finally be able to solve the puzzle of who the worst actor in the film truly is. Random Ramblings of a Madman: No one should ever see this film.

• It made me laugh, but I don't think it was intentional (small spoilers)

  chrismackey19722014-08-19

  This seems to be done in the same vein as Killer Movie and other C-grade slashers. As in virtually all slasher films, this has the typical boobs, butts, blood, and gore, along with cheesy dialogue. There's one girl who refers to her breasts as "bread" and "butter" because she says they'll make her a lot of money one day. I hope so, because her acting won't, at least not as she's shown in this movie. Yeah, it's done in a tongue-in-cheek type way, but I don't know if it's on purpose, or if it just read better on scrip than it sounds when spoken. "Maybe if someone had a relationship of their own, she wouldn't be so brown-nosed in everybody's s--t," which is said to a black cheerleader, and the girl's response is, "I'm sorry, was that a racial slur?" I guess the writers thought that would be clever or funny, but it was neither, just stupid. Some of the other dialogue, specifically when the "kids" are in the house making a plan to escape the killer is really funny, but I don't think it's intentional. As for the killer mascot costume, it's more laughable than scary. The mask from Scream was scary. The mask from this movie looks like a discarded prop from the Bozo the Clown series from the early 1980s. I'm really tired of the cliché movies, especially in horror. One of the things I'm talking about is a 1980s horror cliché of the victim running for their lives, while the killer is merely walking after them. However, the killer still manages to catch up. Silly. It's way past time we put that cliché to rest, but they use it over and over and over again in this movie. In fact, I don't believe the killer ever runs in this film. And something that's almost certainly taken from Scooby Doo is when the killer says "You meddling kids" towards the end. I had to LMAO when that was said. Speaking of the end, if the beginning and middle of the movie wasn't enough to ruin it, that end was just...STUPID with the killer explaining why this was all done. I gave this a 3-star rating because it was entertaining because of the bad acting from most of the "kids." Even though it was bad acting, it was funny, which made it entertaining to some extent.

• Football, Cheerleaders, Halloween, And...???

  lewis-sands2014-08-19

  The team is ready, and the girls are all in, time to have a party! Right? Besides, Halloween always makes it better! Right? All the makin's of a great ol' horror flick! RIGHT? Well..I would have enjoyed saying YES! but I can't. I just can't! Difficult movie to review. Why? Because the whole thing was a poor excuse for a horror, and a movie.(moho) maybe if the timing had been better? Or maybe if the actors meshed a little better? Or maybe if the story had...AWW! I can't, i just Can't!! Sorry folks but this movie was, to me, about as good as this review...I would give you more but i believe everyone is entitled to their own opin-viewing. Enjoy your time at the movies, i did!

• Has a certain magic

  ohara552015-02-17

  Wow. The expression "so good it's bad" is overused, but in Varsity Blood's case it's absolutely apropos. I was enthralled. With porn level acting, 25 to 30 year-olds playing teens, chunks of inane exposition dialog, this flick has enough cheese to keep a contingent of Frenchmen content for generations to come. I especially appreciated the waterboy character charging around with a rifle which he knows is not loaded and then the end face-off between the killer and our heroine where she waves a handgun as if it's a knife and the killer reacts as if it's one also. The movie moves along at a good pace, the limited and brief gore is decent and I liked the killer's mascot mask.